hello thur,

Os. I dropped a tear when my sist said, "You will fail your Os.". I don't know what I said to make her angry, but before that she said, "don't be a show off.". Something like that. I won't be able to handle the truth of my results. So scary, so depressing and so disappointed. I know I haven't worked hard enough to get good results. But all I hope for is below 20. I know many people have worked hard, and hard work will never let them down. But me? I didn't work hard. Haven't put in my best effort. All I did was slack and sleep. I feel damn lazy. During the period of Os, I kept on telling myself I have to study hard and make my parents proud, get good results, have a good future, earn money and be good to my parents. But all of that was just words without actions. Now I am regretting not working hard that time. But I can't do anything now. I guess I can only pray hard. I don't want to waste another year repeating my Os. My family have high hopes on me, and I'm really scared that I will disappoint them. And also, I don't want to cry when I get my results. I don't want to cry when my parents talk to me about my results. They might just force me to retain. Those courses that I'm interested in, are no longer my future, they are just my dreams, something I wished for and nothing else.
Monday, 9th January, 2pm.